3.31.2006

K pumping iron (no pink weights)

A week ago, K suggested that we should return to the personal trainer that I was seeing a couple of years ago. K didn't go with me at that time, but K has finally decided that she wants to take control of her physical condition and begin improving her physical condition. Today was our first session working out. She was thrilled that she was able to do anything. The trainer is extremely encouraging and willing to take it slow with K. Unfortunately, he doesn't feel that way about me. I'm exhausted, as K basks in her happy glow.

I think that K's greatest triumph with the exercise routine is that she can use real weights. About 2 years ago, I purchased some weights for her to use at home. To her mortification, the 2 lb weights are bright pink. Today, she was able to use 3 lb weights that were black and stainless. They looked exactly like the weights I was using. She was thrilled. Actually, she did great. I think this was a wonderful idea on her part. I'm happy to return to the trainer to improve my condition and K will benefit as well.

3.29.2006

Lately

I haven't been writing much lately. I keep mulling over whether my lack of interest in writing means that I am done with the concept of blogging or if I should try to ride it out and see what happens next. Thus far, I keep coming down in favor of riding out my lack of creativity and seeing where things go over the next few months.

Part of my silence pertains to my job. My organization is collapsing around me. The business line I work in remains profitable, but the senior management is fleeing the organization like rats scuttling off the rotten ship. Either to retirement or to other organizations. This has left me with feelings of abandonment. Now, I have decided to join the exodus and start looking for another position. My manager is retiring on June 1 and his goal is to get his last two employees jobs outside the organization. So, he's reviewing my resume, cover letters, writing samples, and everything else that I need to submit for jobs. We had a strategy session today as to what I ought to be working on to get the best job. It's great having the support. My 2nd level supervisor is busy sending out my resume to the people in her network, who I would be interested in joining.

But all the writing and focus on the job search reduces my blogging time. It will continue to be further reduced, as I am starting to work on a giant application package. It includes 7 essays on subjects such as leading change, leading people, business acumen. It's an executive training program at an organization where I've wanted to work for years. The package is due on April 24. I'll try to write in the meantime, but I may be very quiet over here.

3.15.2006

PTSD?

I've been meaning to write about a bad week that K had, while I was taking care of my mother. The original posts can be found here. K didn't make it into the office once the week that I was out of town. Not a good thing. I wasn't so frustrated, as I was 800 miles away and not confronted with it day after day. She was very frustrated by it.

During that week, K made a special trip to her therapist to try and get her out of whatever slump had occurred. That session brought out an interesting diagnoses from K's therapist. Previously, she had diagnosed these episodes as depression, but she apparently felt that they never quite fit into the depression box. This time, after discussing some of K's childhood memories, she said that she believes that K's been suffering from intermittent bouts of post traumatic stress syndrome.

The only reason that I didn't laugh out loud is that I have an incredible amount of respect for K's therapist. K has been diagnosed with PTSD as the result of a physical (not sexual) assault that she suffered as a teenager. Afterwards, she had a psychotic break and was institutionalized for a week as she suffered from hallucinations. It was that hospitalize, when she began to smoke and didn't stop for 27 years, January 1, 2003 when she awoke in the ICU after her heart attack.

Okay, I've digressed. But K's therapist believes that K's episodes are caused by PTSD. She also believes that PTSD will be much easier to treat than intermittent bouts of depression. I hope she's right. Since that week, which was almost 4 weeks ago, K's made it to the office daily, as she had been doing before. K & her therapist have also been working to combat the PTSD.

Things have been going really well lately. If anything, I've been the grouchy partner. My stomach, after behaving for a few months, has given me a bad couple days this week. That makes me into, in K's words, a snapping turtle. I groused at her for things that I shouldn't have. I have been pleased that I am back on track with exercise. I'm going to the gym 4 times a week, 3x cardio and 1x weight lifting. I think it may slowly be starting to make a difference.

We are also beginning to be more social. Tonight, Ayelet Waldman is in town. She is an author (wrote Bad Mother blog) and
suffers from bipolar. We going to hear her speak. Tomorrow, there's a neighborhood get together and Friday we have tickets to a play. A definite change than last year, when we rarely went out and were usually too tired to do anything.

K has a visit with her psychiatrist on Friday. She's looking forward to telling him that she's reduced her trileptal by half and rarely takes either xanax or ambien. This is the plan that they set up in December to get her off some of the more tranqualizing meds and it's made a big difference in K's energy level with no negative trade offs. It will be great to report positive progress of the past three months.

3.03.2006

Sunshine

The dog and I are curled up in the sunshine. It's cold and windy out, but the sunshine is nice and warm. Today's my day off, and I'm home after I had my 2nd CT scan to look for liver problems. Unformatted, I fear that this new scan isn't going to give very good information.

First, I'm a wimpy patient and have a tendency to whine about things. This scan requires about 500 ml, maybe a bit less, to be shot through an IV into your arm in the span of 20 seconds. The pain and burning were incredible. I forgot that I was supposed to be holding my breath and staying still. Instead I was writhing on the platform and clutching my hair with the hand without the IV. Not a pretty sight. I'm hoping that they got enough information, so we don't have to go to the liver biopsy stage.

K is off to even colder places to take care of the baby niece for the weekend. Her sister had her gall bladder removed and K offered to come out for the weekend and help. As I've posted earlier, this is K's first trip alone to her family since she moved out here 6.5 years ago. I am left home alone, which I've been eager anticipating.

I'm not anticipating it because I want to do things without K, but rather I would just like to have the space to myself for a while. Today is somewhat busy, but I didn't' schedule anything for myself tomorrow. I'm hoping that once I get past this lethargy that I'll be able to do some work around the house either organization or start working on fixing our entry way, which looks awful.

Basement is still not finished, as it still leaks. But the windows were installed last weekend. First time since we've lived here (7 years) that there are windows in all five openings down there. Hard to believe, isn't it? New windows look great, but I still hate contractors.

Over the past month, but really in the past week, I've started to confront the realization that I need to find another job. I'm treated well, but my organization is turning into a ghost town. The entire senior management chain is ready to leave and this situation is starting to look bleak, even though my job is fine. It seems like it is time to move on. Another thing on my to do list is to update my resume and then I can start sending it to some colleagues for feedback. I'm thinking about the possibility of switching sectors from public to private or non-profit. Though, I would like to stay in the public sector. I'm trying not to be swayed by the money, despite its temptations. I'm finally starting to clearly think it through, though I don't know where I'll end up.

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